Calm: Difference between revisions
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=== Week 1 === | === Week 1 === | ||
* | * Mandatory [[BBC therapy]] for a minimum of 12 hours per day. | ||
* Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days | * Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days | ||
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey'' | * Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey'' | ||
| Line 30: | Line 29: | ||
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: Possible Worlds'' | * Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: Possible Worlds'' | ||
* | * ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT) | ||
* Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - ''Fauci'' (2021) | * Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - ''Fauci'' (2021) | ||
* Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds | * Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds | ||
| Line 46: | Line 45: | ||
=== Week 3 === | === Week 3 === | ||
* Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours | * 50 µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours | ||
* Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Dark Universe'' | * Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Dark Universe'' | ||
* Make-your-own Funko Pops | * Make-your-own Funko Pops | ||
* [[ | * [[Ears|Ear]] surgery | ||
* | * [[Breakfast For Dinner]] | ||
* Sultopride | * Sultopride | ||
* Risperidone | * Risperidone | ||
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=== Week 4 === | === Week 4 === | ||
* Group meditation session: with | * Group meditation session: with [[Jefre Cantu-Ledesma]] music | ||
* Grammar workshop: importance of using [[ | * Grammar workshop: importance of using [[though]] at the end of your sentences | ||
* Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10 | * Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10 | ||
* Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding | * Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding | ||
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== In event of relapse == | == In event of relapse == | ||
In extremely rare circumstances, anger-inducing stimuli may trigger a calm patient to relapse into explosive rage. Should this occur, the first priority is to isolate the patient from other /calm/ [[soyjak]]s immediately, so as to not introduce any negative emotions into their routines and possibly contaminate them. The uncalm patient is then to be sedated with 5 | {{angry}} | ||
[[File:4108 - be4c95ce5f4c6220e75f3e9830a302da.png|thumb|337x337px]] In extremely rare circumstances, anger-inducing stimuli may trigger a calm patient to relapse into explosive rage. Should this occur, the first priority is to isolate the patient from other /calm/ [[soyjak]]s immediately, so as to not introduce any negative emotions into their routines and possibly contaminate them. The uncalm patient is then to be sedated with 5 mg of the tranquillizer carfentanil and 1 mg of ketamine, which is to be administered by no fewer than twenty doctors and nurses. During an Uncalm episode, the Pentagon is to issue DEFCON 2.<ref>[[File:CIA Calm Markiplier soyjak.png|81px]]{{Quote|>It is extremely important for the organization to contact the nearest local authorities in fear of such potential situations,<sup>It simply just is.</sup> as they might develop to threaten our national security.<sup>It simply just does, OK chud?</sup>}}</ref> | |||
==/warm/== | ==/warm/== | ||
A variant of /calm/ but with warm colors.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20231123015510/https://archive.soyjak.in/soy/thread/5224405 ([https://archive.li/N9qrI archive.today])</ref> There are 7 edits on the booru, and a style known simply as "[[ | {{Fill}} | ||
[[File:55310 - SoyBooru.png|alt=<!!warm!!|thumb|{{Orangetext|<{{RedGlow|warm}}}}]] | |||
A variant of /calm/ but with warm colors.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20231123015510/https://archive.soyjak.in/soy/thread/5224405 ([https://archive.li/N9qrI archive.today])</ref> There are 7 edits on the booru, and a style known simply as "[[Undertale|His Theme]]" as of writing. It didn't catch on except for like one day on the [[Shemmy]] or something. He also loves autumn. | |||
Copied from the ‘ki award | |||
Revision as of 13:44, 21 November 2025
Calmtext|/calm/}}}
Calm, also known as /calm/ is an experimental anger management program for Soyjak exhibiting extremely violent Autism behavior. The program consists of various forms of treatments, cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT),[1] and meditation.
Many prominent Niggers have raised concerns over the practices used in /calm/ and the program's efficacy. Some activist groups argue it is a violation of human right!!! to deprive a 'jak of Soylent for multiple days. This claim is false[2][3][4][5] and has been thoroughly debunked by science and multiple peer-reviewed studies.[6] Many doubt the program is even effective at all, since calm soyjaks are best known to accumulate pent-up anger and could snap at any moment.
Most graduates of the program remain calm, however some enter a permanent state of being "agitated". These patients must remain isolated as to avoid becoming triggered.
The calm soyjaks seem to be based off an app called 'Calm' which bares a color scheme reminiscent to the /calm/ 'jaks[7]
Treatments
The treatment is split into a 4 week program. The dosages of meds are gradually increased through the weeks and so is the intensity of the CBT. Only 41% of patients complete the full 4 weeks.
Week 1
- Mandatory BBC therapy for a minimum of 12 hours per day.
- Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days
- Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
- Citalopram
- Escitalopram
- Fluoxetine
- Droperidol
- Haloperidol
Week 2
- Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: Possible Worlds
- ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT)
- Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - Fauci (2021)
- Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds
- Dixyrazine
- Fluphenazine
- Levomepromazine
- Mesoridazine
- Perazine
- Pericyazine
- Perphenazine
- Pipotiazine
- Benperidol
- Bromperidol
Week 3
- 50 µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours
- Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's Dark Universe
- Make-your-own Funko Pops
- Ear surgery
- Breakfast For Dinner
- Sultopride
- Risperidone
- Carpipramine
- Clocapramine
- Clorotepine
- Clotiapine
- Loxapine
- Mosapramine
- Sulpiride
- Veralipride
- Aripiprazole
- Brexpiprazole
- Olanzapine
- Quetiapine
- Ziprasidone
Week 4
- Group meditation session: with Jefre Cantu-Ledesma music
- Grammar workshop: importance of using though at the end of your sentences
- Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10
- Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding
- The BCI microchip surgery
- Final exam: planetary science and biology
- Butalbital
- Pentobarbital
- Phenobarbital
- Triazolam
- Eszopiclone
- Zaleplon
- Zolpidem
- Zopiclone
- Lemborexan
- Suvorexant
- Brompheniramine
- Captodiame
- Chlorpheniramine
- Cyproheptadine
- Dimenhydrinate
- Diphenhydramine
- Doxylamine
- Hydroxyzine
- Promethazine
- Chloral hydrate
- Chlorobutanol
- Chloroform
- Cyclopropane
- Desflurane
- Enflurane
- Esketamine
- Ethyl chloride
- Etomidate
- Isoflurane
- Halothane
- Physochlaina
- Prostanthera striatiflora
- Valerian
- Afloqualone
- Cloroqualone
- Diproqualone
- Etaqualone
- Mebroqualone
- Mecloqualone
- Methaqualone
- Methylmethaqualone
- Nitromethaqualone
- Baclofen
- Carisoprodol
- Chlorzoxazone
- Clonidine
- Cyclobenzaprine
- Gabapentin
- Meprobamate
- Metaxalone
- Methocarbamol
- Orphenadrine
- Phenibut
- Pregabalin
- Tizanidine
- Alfentanil
- Bromide salts
- Dexmedetomidine
- Dextromethorphan
- Glutethimide
- Thalidomide
In event of relapse
|
This page, and its contents... /calm/ing??? |
In extremely rare circumstances, anger-inducing stimuli may trigger a calm patient to relapse into explosive rage. Should this occur, the first priority is to isolate the patient from other /calm/ soyjaks immediately, so as to not introduce any negative emotions into their routines and possibly contaminate them. The uncalm patient is then to be sedated with 5 mg of the tranquillizer carfentanil and 1 mg of ketamine, which is to be administered by no fewer than twenty doctors and nurses. During an Uncalm episode, the Pentagon is to issue DEFCON 2.[8]
/warm/
A variant of /calm/ but with warm colors.[9] There are 7 edits on the booru, and a style known simply as "His Theme" as of writing. It didn't catch on except for like one day on the Shemmy or something. He also loves autumn.
Copied from the ‘ki award
- ↑ holy reddit
- ↑ calm
- ↑ calm
- ↑ calm
- ↑ calm
- ↑ Pants on Fire! on PolitiFact and also debunked by Snopes
- ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calm_(company)
- ↑
>It is extremely important for the organization to contact the nearest local authorities in fear of such potential situations,It simply just is. as they might develop to threaten our national security.It simply just does, OK chud?
- ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20231123015510/https://archive.soyjak.in/soy/thread/5224405 (archive.today)
